Psalm 52, Olive Tree, and Me
—If I grow up as a tree, can I become one of the olive trees in Your house?
Sometimes, I feel Your presence more than usual. You appear in the books I read, appear in the small chats I accidentally get into at the coffee shop, and take part in the choices I have to make. But, sometimes, I don’t feel Your presence. You seem to have disappeared. You seem to have gone so far, and I am left here. When I think You are far from me, is it just my feelings, or are You really accompanying someone else first?
Whatever the answer, whenever I don’t feel Your presence, I feel empty, confused, and lost. All the roads on the map don’t seem to get me anywhere. Everything hit a dead end. Everything lacks light. Everything was silent, dead, and would later be devoured by chaos.
If I hide from You, won’t You always look for me? So when I feel distant from You and You may be hiding, may I seek You out? However, playing hide and seek with You is very confusing. You can hide anywhere and You can be invisible. You are an expert at hiding, finding, and saving. You can be in many places at one time. You can be in my heart, their heart, and anyone sick mind. You can be by my side when I’m having a bad day and be next to those who call Your name over and over.
I know You always hear. So, I know that You also know that lately, people have been trying to bury me. Everything was dark, suffocating, and weighing me down. I know that You know. And actually, I also know that I don’t have to worry about this. Because I am a seed. One of your seeds. They may try to bury me, but I will grow. The rain will fall, wash my body (may I call it weeping?), and help me grow as a tree.
If I grow up as a tree, can I become one of the olive trees in Your house? If possible, I would be delighted. I will be a good tree, which will be cared for by You and live long to bear good fruit. Can I? Will I? Should I?
I know You very well. If I ask for a long time, You will give me all the time.
You will take care of me, won’t you? I know, after I write all this, You will find me. You will sit next to me and say nothing. But, from Your presence, I know everything will be fine.
Take Your time to saving others. I will wait.
[ Dionisius Dexon ]
